So I know that people are celebrating the spring weather at last, but at the same time, I know that with hot weather there comes violence, hate and death. I try to be less enthusiastic then: for Libya, Syria, Yemen, Thailand, Cambodia, Tibet, the Bronx, Brooklyn, and all the parts that are still living the blood debt of previous ages.

So some recent setbacks (rather, the most recent setbacks) have made me question my path, as it is. Then again, ten years ago, I wouldn’t have imagined any of this, and who knows where I will stand ten years hence.

Well, I’ve been kind of an asshole, because although I claim to have taken a backwards, sideways path, in the end I’ve been very achievement-oriented, about success and this figmentary thing I call my career, which any classicist will tell you is just a course or trajectory, and by definition anything, with the good in parentheses. This is perhaps my alpha-male tendency, albeit not at the cost of cutting other people’s throats.

But now facing a September with no plan, income, or prospects, I don’t know any more.

What do I really want to be in ten years? Well, yondan. The rest are details. Is money really so important? Or am I overcompensating given my parents’ struggles, troubles, and self-doubts? Surely I plan on no family, so I should be cheap. What is the work that I really want to do? These are questions that won’t be answered in any blog post soon.